Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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