I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
