john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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