why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
