omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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