You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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