I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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