Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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