my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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