there's paper in my vomit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
