fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
