I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
