I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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