Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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