i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
