I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
