elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
