She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
