you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
