we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your penis caused this!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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