Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
