If i come over, it means nothing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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