you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
