Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
