If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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