i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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