Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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