this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
