insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
