I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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