I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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