I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
