I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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