Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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