Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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