I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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