how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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