i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
