Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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