just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
