you traded sex for a burrito?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
