when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
