I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
