I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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