Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
