Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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