if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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