Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
