hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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