i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
